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Battery Woes
I stood in the store, looking at rows upon rows of clean little packets of batteries. My hands began to sweat and shake as I picked up first one brand, and then another. Energizers, DuraCells, Rayovacs, Panasonics? Which was best? The cheapest, or the one with the pink bunny in sunglasses?
I deliberated, I prioritized, I synergized, I tabulated, I profligated -no wait, I procrastinated. I stood there, in the super discount chain store's battery aisle looking for someone, anyone, to ask "which battery?"
Along came a young boy in a blue smock. Freddy was his name. He has been proudly serving me for six days, his name tag said. "Freddy!" I hollered. His startled look gave me the impression that I had his attention. But he kept walking. "Freddy!" I hollered. He stopped, he turned around, he looked at me timidly.
"Freddy, which battery is the better buy?" I asked. He looked at me, he looked at the display. He looked at me. "Hey, I don't know." he said, shrugging and then scurrying off.
Left to my own devices, I did what I do when I'm all alone. I closed my eyes, I reached out and I grabbed..."Hey! Watch what you're grabbing!" an annoying voice screeched. I opened my eyes and saw that I had mistakenly took hold of a young woman's fanny pack. (Big OOPS!) Her pierced eyebrow gave me pause, until she opened her mouth and her pierced tongue startled me into speechlessness.
"Oh, uh, oh uh, oh, uh..." I said.
"Oh, duh!" she replied.
Who needs batteries anyhow, I thought. But then I thought of my children. What did my pioneering foreparents do for me? I wondered. I braved the pierced tongue, went to the cheapest double A's I could find and in a flash I was home. I proudly handed the sack of batteries to my waiting daughter, picturing myself as the able provider, placing food in his offspring's possession.
"Daaad!" she whined. "I said triple A's these are double A's. Oh, never mind, I'll get them myself." I could feel my ego deflating. "And never get the cheapest, Dad, you know they don't last very long," she scolded.
There it went, I was now officially ego-less. |
